


Filling in the Blanks

by dustin_justin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angry Sex, Hatake Kakashi is Bad at Feelings, Idiots in Love, Iruka is friends with everyone, M/M, POV Umino Iruka, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, So is Iruka, but so suited for each other, they're both human and imperfect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustin_justin/pseuds/dustin_justin
Summary: The first time it happened was after the Chuunin exam nominations.Just one imagining of what was going on behind the scenes.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Shiranui Genma & Umino Iruka
Comments: 13
Kudos: 321





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! so I've deleted all the pre-existing chapters as I'm re-writing the whole fic. I'm a lot happier with it now as I feel the characterisation is more true to the canon. Got a bit carried away with writing Kakashi as a cold-hearted bastard when he's actually really lovely... My intention with this fic has always been to try to imagine how their relationship developed without taking toooo many artistic liberties so I've tried really hard to stay focused on that. Anyway, hope you enjoy

Iruka wasn’t just angry, he was seething. It was overwhelming, too much, too fast. It hadn’t been that long since Mizuki attacked. His back still twinged if he twisted too hard and he’d only really just gotten over the kids getting back from their tryst with Zabuza. Naruto had gone from not being able to produce a clone to holding his own against an S-ranked ninja. Iruka had only just started to rebuild their relationship and he still cringed sometimes in the quiet moments before he fell asleep that he’d been blind for so long to Naruto’s suffering. He couldn’t watch him kill himself trying to prove he was ready to be a chuunin, he wasn’t ready. Hell, _Iruka_ wasn’t ready. So when all three jounin offered up their rookie teams he found the rage spilt out of his mouth regardless of the disrespect he was showing.

“Iruka needs to understand that they’re my subordinates now, they’re not his students”

Kakashi. He’d captained the mission that led Iruka to realise he was better suited to teaching than active duty. He’d listened when Iruka was drowning in his conflict over teaching Naruto in the first place. He’d saved them in the back hills when Naruto ran away. He was famous for lots of things and Iruka had thought that despite his reputation, he’d always seemed kind of caring. It kind of floored him that Kakashi was so willing to offer up his genin team like sacrificial lambs. It felt like a betrayal somehow. A massive fucking slap in the face. Kakashi’s eye was cold, set and hard and he fixed it firmly on Iruka.

The third chastised them into silence and Iruka felt the shame and anger bubbling inside him threaten to spill out of his eyes. He clamped down and only nodded when the preliminary test was offered. Not looking at anything other than a fixed point on the wall behind the Hokage.

Kotetsu and Izumo were chattering excitedly about being assigned assistant positions for the exams when they finally left the gathering hall.

“Hey Iruka, we’re gonna debrief at the bar with some of the guys from the academy” One of them called over their shoulder and Iruka looked up kind of dazed.

“Ah guys” he pasted a big, fake, bashful grin on his face “I’m gonna pass, I’ve got a lot of grading to do tonight.” The last thing he wanted was to listen to his comrades taking bets on which genin would die first.

“Iruka, you more than anyone need to blow off some steam. There’s more to life than the will of fire” Izumo smirked at him, leaning his elbow on Kotesu’s shoulder as they waited for more of their friends to gather.

“Guys I’m serious and I’m really worried about Naruto. He barely made genin only a couple of months ago. He’s so-“

“Yeah we know Iruka, it’s ok.” Anko clapped a hand on his shoulder from behind him. “You need a drink. It’s not gonna hurt you”

He sighed, resigning, knowing they would take it as assent. The boys grinned at him and Anko gave his cheek a friendly slap before putting her arms around all of them.

“Guys I’m in charge of the forest of DEATH”

He hadn’t intended to stay out for more than a couple but once he finally relaxed, he let go. He was young and pissed off and hadn’t been out with his friends since before he got a giant shuriken in his back. He’d been living like a worried parent the last few months instead of the young 20-something chuunin that thrived off of making people laugh. When Anko had put the first beer in his hand he’d sullenly sipped it, listening to the rest of the guys buzz about the Rookie 9 and speculate on how harsh Ibiki would be. He got through the first drink pretty quick, then it was Izumo’s round, then Kotetsu’s, then Genma’s and soon enough he was sauntering off to the bar, lilting to the side only ever so slightly. Returning with a wicked glint in his eye he put down a tray of shots for the whole table. They erupted in a cheer, yelled Kanpai! and for the first time in weeks, Iruka felt a little bit alive.

He was laughing maybe a bit too loudly at something Genma had said, hand covering his face as he shook a little. They were sitting pretty close, thighs hitting each other every now and again and Iruka was smugly satisfied knowing that he’d be going home with someone. They’d fooled around a few times here and there. Nothing serious but it was fun and he realised that maybe part of his problem was that he hadn’t had any kind of physical stress release for a while.

Before everything with Mizuki, he’d played the field quite a bit. It was common knowledge that he was gay and often he’d find himself out, locking eyes with someone across the room and slinking out the door with them without really trying. It was almost too easy with civilians, especially if he was in uniform. He just hadn’t been in the mood recently. The world had started to feel really heavy and he could feel himself getting older, the responsibility of care dampening his spirit.

He turned away from Anko in mock disgust at something she’d said when he noticed the booth on the other side of the bar had been filled. Gai, Asuma, Kurenai and Kakashi were all sharing a bottle of sake murmuring quietly to each other. Asuma’s cigarette slowly curling smoke around them, Gai grinning at Kurenai and Kakashi slouched with his leg over the other knee, book in hand and his one eye open, looking right at Iruka.

Iruka froze. Body going kind of solid in place as the drink addled memories of the day came flooding back like a cracking punch to the face. He felt himself flush and he clenched his fists at his sides. Genma subtly touched his leg under the table, noticing the shift and turned to follow his gaze. Kakashi had turned back to Gai already.

Genma’s senbon twitched in his mouth. “He’s a good guy. He can be an asshole but you can’t really blame him, he didn’t get a chance to develop proper social skills as a kid”

“I thought,” Iruka clenched his jaw, “I actually thought he was decent, before today”

Genma squeezed his knee very slightly and Iruka tried to jump back into the fun by taking the piss out of Anko as she sloshed beer down herself. It felt forced. He’d just started to have a good time and it felt ruined. All the anger had rushed back to the surface and he could feel Kakashi’s eye boring into the back of his head. He’d thought that they were on good terms, they had mutual friends, Genma being the main one. Iruka respected Kakashi. He’d always treated him as an equal, never inferior. It stung to be belittled in front of everyone but by him in particular. He was used to shinobi looking down their noses at him at the mission desk but he’d never felt it from Kakashi before.

He kept almost catching Kakashi as the night wore on. It made his neck tingle when he could feel the other man’s gaze on him. Every movement he made felt like a performance and it was pissing him off even more. He was _not_ some underling to be pushed around. He was a good shinobi and an even better teacher.

His table was laughing again but Iruka could feel the eyes on the back of his head. He turned casually to look at the other booth but Kakashi looked deeply engrossed in a conversation with Asuma, smiling with his eye and nodding. Iruka tried to pass it off like he was considering the bottles behind the bar before turning back, downing his drink and mumbling to Genma about going to the bathroom. His friends barely looked up as he tried desperately to rise without stumbling and made his way towards the back of the bar.

He was drunker than he thought, finding himself in the stall without remembering how he got there. Looking down at his hands and huffing out a short laugh at how unrecognisable they looked to him. So what? He was having fun, he was going to get laid and yeah he might regret it tomorrow but currently, he didn’t care. He heard the door to the men’s room creak open and someone shifting to stand outside the only stall. The door to it opened inwards because the room was so tiny and Iruka ended up folding himself around it, trying not the touch the filthy toilet, exiting backwards. He thought he was doing alright until his ass hit the man waiting his turn. “Oh shit sorry, this bathroom is so small”

“That’s alright”

He spun on his toes at the voice and it made him wobble precariously until a large hand gripped his left wrist and held him up in place. Iruka wrenched his hand free from Kakakshi’s grasp and righted himself with the small amount of dignity he had left.

“Apologies, Kakashi- _sama_ ” he hissed through his teeth.

“Iruka-“

“Excuse me, I’ll get out of your way”

“Iruka.” Kakashi’s voice hardened and he slammed his palm onto the frame of the stall next to Iruka’s head. They both winced at the sound. “Iruka, I know you’re upset” Kakashi huffed out a frustrated sigh “I know what I’m doing with these kids”

“Oh so now they’re kids again?” Iruka bit out incredulously, “Kakashi, you’ve never even had a genin team before.”

“They are kids but they’re also soldiers, willing ones too. They want to prove themselves. It’ll be a small miracle if they pass but it’ll give them the experience so they can grow”

“If they die, their blood is on your hands.” Iruka ducked under the jounin’s arm but Kakashi gripped his elbow as he tried to get away. Iruka turned around again, eyes burning and Kakashi crowded him against the door back to the bar, looking at him in genuine earnest.

“Look, you’re not the only one who cares about them, ok?”

“I know you don’t give a shit about my opinion, but I’m not just some frightened mother hen. I _know_ these kids.” Iruka stood up taller and looked determinedly at Kakashi. His heart was pounding in his head. The alcohol that was circulating fast around his body now mixing with adrenaline. Kakashi was still gripping his arm and they were standing in each other’s space, facing off like rutting deer. Iruka took a breath to carry on arguing and got a whole inhale of Kakashi. They were standing intimately close together and he could feel the warmth radiating off of him. His smell was kind of musky, masculine, mixed with weapon oil, sake and Asuma’s secondhand smoke. That and the heat of their bodies, the alcohol in his system and the angry tension between them sent Iruka into a woozy double take. He smelt really good. Fuck, he was drunk.

“I know you taught them for a long time Iruka but-“

“You got your way! Why do you even care about convincing me this is a good idea?” Iruka"You already put me in my place in front of the whole teaching corps”

“Damn it Iruka!” Kakashi’s other hand reached out and shook Iruka’s shoulder in frustration and Iruka felt his heart speed up as he realised the power of the man looming over him. So close now he could feel the breath coming through the mask. Why were they so close? Iruka’s head was spinning.“I wasn’t trying to ‘put you in your place’, they’re _my_ responsibility now, you have to accept that” He became fixated on the way Kakashi’s lips were moving under the mask.

“Naruto will always be my responsibility,” Iruka said finally, moving his gaze from Kakashi’s mouth and back up into his visible eye. He unconsciously licked his lips and Kakashi’s eye flicked down to track the movement. The break in their stare led Iruka to push himself up and forward but Kakashi didn’t step back. They were almost nose to nose. Both their gazes fixed, breaths hot and fast in the small gap between them. Iruka’s body was thrumming with tension, all sense completely gone. The silence stretched like an eternity between them and the air felt so thick it was difficult to breathe. Another beat passed and without a second thought, Iruka pressed his lips hard against Kakashi’s mask. His body roared in approval but a tiny sliver of rationality in his drunk mind wrenched him backwards.

“Fuck, I don’t know why I did that. I-“ but Kakashi pulled down his mask and started pressing back just as hard. Iruka froze in place, eyes wide with shock and Kakashi pulled away again. They looked at each other heavily, not breaking eye contact for a second. It was like they were sizing each other up for a fight. The thick silence stretched out between them again.

“Fuck it” Iruka whispered and lunged forward. They collided with force. Iruka’s hands reaching to the hair at Kakashi’s neck, pulling his head down. Kakashi’s hands grabbing at Iruka’s hips, pressing their bodies together into the door. His mouth was hot and tasted like sake and the cotton from his mask. They were like animals in their desperation to get closer. They smashed together like the force would somehow merge them into one. Noses smushing painfully into each other and teeth clacking as they opened their mouths. They were all over each other, hands everywhere. Rough and searching. Iruka couldn’t decide what he wanted to grab first. Kakashi’s hands reached for Iruka’s ass and Iruka hooked a leg around him letting him hoist him up against the door. He lifted his other leg and crossed his ankles around Kakashi’s back, breaking away slightly to gasp as their crotches made contact against each other. Iruka wasn’t exactly svelte but Kakashi held him up like he was nothing, fingers digging into his thighs. He rocked his hips so they made contact again and Kakashi began kissing his neck, groaning with every bit of friction.

Someone on the other side of the door rattled the handle and Iruka felt the wood push against his back. His eyes flicked to Kakashi’s in panic.

“Hang on! we’ve got a queue in here” Kakashi called out before lowering him back down and stepping back to pull his mask up.

“Hurry it up already!” A voice on the other side called back.

“Well,” Kakashi said, his face visibly flushed despite being hidden again “would you like to go somewhere a little less grimy?” Iruka gave a quick, short nod not trusting himself to form coherent speech.

“Ok. Hold on”

Iruka stepped up and placed his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders as he made the hand signs to body-flicker them away.

They arrived outside a door in the Jounin barracks, which Iruka could only assume led to Kakashi’s apartment. He waited patiently whilst the wards were unlocked and they both stepped inside, toeing off their sandals in the entryway. Kakashi stepped into the space, his back to him and Iruka scanned the apartment quickly. It was sparse but nicely furnished, he had shuriken bedsheets which was kind of endearing and two photo frames on a small table. Kakashi turned and had his hand on the back of his head. He was eye smiling and had a small blush on his cheeks. He looked almost bashful.

“Uh..” he said and Iruka took a step forward. He hadn’t said a word since their argument and he worried if he broke his silence now the bubble would burst and he’d lose his resolve. He placed his palms flat on Kakashi’s vest and looked up through heavy eyes. There were only a couple of inches between them in height but Kakashi’s hair and lanky frame made him seem taller. They held each other’s stare, the broken tension from the bathroom rebuilding. They were sizing each other up again, reevaluating in the new terrain. Iruka reached a slightly shaky hand up to Kakashi’s cheek to his mask. He paused for signs of protest but Kakashi held still. He pulled til it was gathered around his neck and not wanting to leave any room for an awkward face reveal, pressed their lips together. They kissed once, twice, awkward and uncertain. Asking for permission, testing the waters. Iruka wanted to taste him again and by the third time, he had his hand curled into Kakashi’s vest. It was like a match being lit. Their mouths fit together and Iruka tightened his grip as their tongues made contact. Kakashi grabbed his ass again with one hand and they pressed flush together, hot and intense. Iruka’s hands clawed at the zipper on Kakashi’s vest, ripping it down and pulling it over his shoulders. He shrugged out of it and did the same for Iruka, their mouths barely disconnecting. He pushed Iruka toward the bed before breaking away to pull his shirt over his head. He wore a sleeveless thermal underneath and Iruka could see the hard lines of his body through it. He kept his eyes fixed there whilst he removed his own shirt. Kakashi laughed,

“You can look at me Iruka”

He hesitantly raised his head. Kakashi had a face. Kakashi had a really nice face. He hadn’t really known what he expected but the beauty mark under his lip was a surprise. His mind was already a very hazy, muddled mess and this revelation sent him reeling. Kakashi pushed him again, first so he was sitting on the bed and then onto his back before nestling between his knees and leaning down to kiss him. Kissing was good, kissing was a lot better than thinking.

He pressed closer and Iruka brought his legs up to wrap around his back. Kakashi hummed approvingly and picked him up so he could move them further onto the bed. Iruka tangled his hands in Kakashi’s hair and rocked his hips upward causing them both to mumble incoherent noises against each other. His ponytail was digging into the back of his head so he pushed them up to straddle Kakashi’s thighs and shook his hair loose. Kakashi’s hands instantly flew up and he wrapped them in it, pulling Iruka back down into a crushing kiss. They rocked their bodies together and it was so good but not enough. Iruka reached down and began trying to free them from their pants, gasping as Kakashi began to suck on his neck again.

“Help me you idiot” Iruka’s voice was husky and Kakashi pulled away to look at him before pushing him back onto his back. He took a kunai from his back pouch, grabbed Iruka’s calf and sliced straight through the bandages keeping his uniform in place. He let his hand languidly travel up to Iruka’s thigh and did the same there. Slow and considerate, looking up to hold Iruka’s gaze as the tension in the material went slack. Iruka felt himself strain against the front of his pants, the heat building in him almost unbearably.

When they were both finally naked everything sped up. Iruka was practically keening with how much he wanted Kakashi inside him. He had his legs back up and around the other mans waist and Kakashi pressed cool fingers around his entrance, kissing him all the while.

“C’mon” Iruka urged, panting. Trying to press himself further onto the fingers, desperate for more contact. Kakashi untangled himself and retrieved lube and condoms from somewhere on the shelf above his bed. Iruka closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath as he heard the foil packet rip open.

“Iruka,” he snapped his eyes open to see Kakashi over him again, hand slicked with lube. “Is this ok?”

“Yes,” he panted “fuck, hurry up”

“Ok”

Then he was being stretched, finally. It was hot and slick and not enough. He’d only started with one finger.

“I don’t need much- just- ah-“ one turned to two turned to three as he tried to speak. He felt the familiar flicker of chakra inside him, a trick used to ease the process along. “It’s enough, Kakashi, _please”_

He felt the other man line himself up and groaned at the delicious pressure that started to burn from his ass to his thighs. It was torturously slow and Iruka wanted more than anything to be completely obliterated. He was so turned on, full of alcohol and adrenaline and would probably be very confused if he stopped to think about the situation. He didn’t want to be given the chance, he wanted to be fully swept up in the animalistic want that had smashed them together.

Kakashi seemed to have also lost some of his resolve. He bottomed out with a mumbled, “fuck” and dug his fingers into Iruka’s thighs as he let him adjust. They locked eyes again and Iruka pushed himself even further onto his cock. Kakashi’s eyes darkened and he pulled slowly out before slamming back in, picking up Iruka’s legs and resting them on his shoulders. He began a pace that was unrelenting and Iruka found himself crying out strangled little noises, hands gripping the sheets. Sweat pooled under his back and Kakashi leaned over, pushing him down into the mattress. He could hear Kakashi’s panted sounds of pleasure in his ear and it was almost too fucking hot for him to bear.

He felt his legs going numb so he untangled himself from Kakashi’s grasp, pulling himself off his cock before turning onto his hands and knees. He gripped the windowsill in front of him and felt a hand on his waist and the satisfying feeling of being filled again.

“Fuck yes” he bit out as Kakashi began again in earnest, the new angle better suited for the intensity he wanted. He grabbed his cock but Kakashi reached around and took over instead, matching his strokes to the rhythm of his hips. Iruka’s orgasm hit like a bullet train to his body, hot and fast and almost completely knocking him out. Kakashi’s movements became erratic a few moments later, letting out a very strangled and reserved groan as he came.

They stayed there panting for a moment until Kakashi gently pulled out and Iruka collapsed onto his front.

“Fuck” he said, voice muffled from the bedsheets.

“Yeah.” Kakashi’s voice came from somewhere behind him, presumably disposing of the condom. The condom. The condom that they’d used. The condom that they’d used to have sex. He and Kakashi had sex. With each other. Fuck.

Panic shook him out of his post-coital buzz and with the clarity came shame, shock and confusion. He heard Kakashi open the door to his bathroom and he scrambled for his clothes. Pulling on his pants, loose without the strappings as he searched desperately for the hair tie he’d flung to the floor. Kakashi emerged with a washcloth in hand and a questioning look on his face.

“Iruka?”

“Uh- hey yeah I’ve gotta teach tomorrow so I should…go?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Iruka decided to forget the hair tie and pulled his shirt roughly over his head before grabbing his vest off the floor. He was really panicking now, hands trembling a little as he stepped over to the entryway for his shoes. He looked back for a moment and locked eyes with Kakashi making his breath get stuck in his throat. Kakashi had his mask on again, the usual disinterested look on his face.

“Y’know, Iruka-“

“I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Iruka interrupted, “and I’m not done talking about the kids.” He turned and strode out of the door without waiting to hear a response, mustering up enough fake confidence to make it halfway down the corridor before crumbling into the wall. What the absolute fuck was that?


	2. Chapter 2

The only time they interacted again in the month following was after Iruka’s preliminary test. Team 7 were a lot more advanced than he’d thought and he’d begrudgingly conceded that to Kakashi, flickering away before the conversation had a chance to deepen. The Chuunin exams had dominated everything after that and even after the forest of death, Kakashi had disappeared to drill Sasuke.

He’d been sore the day after. The full force of it only hitting when he woke up the next morning and curled in on himself, physically cringing. It felt like someone else had taken over his body. He’d lost control. He thought he’d grown out of his impulsive behaviour. It reminded him of the time during his own Chuunin exams when he’d been up against a guy from sand and after they’d fought they’d fucked hard and fast in the showers. He’d been a reckless horny teenager but he made a commitment to being more responsible after he became a teacher. He knew he had a reputation for his temper but had been pretty good at keeping everything else under wraps. Something about Kakashi had relit that fire in him. There had been a magnetism between them and it made his pulse race just to think about it.

Despite the shame and confusion, he found himself thinking about it more often than not. Daydreaming like a kid with a crush. He’d never allowed himself the luxury of fantasising about Kakashi before. He’d learnt early on that pining after straight men only led to heartache. Being someones post-mission shame fuck wasn’t nearly as satisfying as being honestly desired. Now that they’d actually slept together though, it was like a hidden vault of attraction had been opened. Kakashi was hot, really really hot. His slouch, the fingerless gloves, the hair, his closed eye smiles. _His voice._ His seeming disinterest and casual attitude had pissed Iruka off before but now the thought of Kakashi drawling out a snarky retort sent a shock of heat through his body. The sound of Kakashi groaning as he came played on repeat in his head. He had to catch himself a few times during some slow moments at the mission desk, drifting off a little too much into a replay and heating up without realising.

He kept his word and didn’t tell anyone. Genma asked what happened to him that night and he said he’d drank way too much too fast and went home before he could make a fool of himself by being sick in public.

“We’ll have to have another big blow out after the exams are over” Genma’s usual smirk was loaded but Iruka’s attention was elsewhere.

“Hey Genma, what do you actually know about Kakashi?”

“Is he still giving you trouble?”

“No! No. It’s not that... I just realised I don’t really know anything about him. Not like Asuma and Gai or you and Radiou”

Genma sighed and adjusted his bandana “I don’t know really. I only know him as a comrade I guess. He ranked up really fast when we were kids so there wasn’t a lot of playtime you know? He doesn’t socialise a lot. Why?”

“Feel like I should know more about the person who’s looking after Naruto, that’s all”

“Huh, well. Good luck with that. The only person who knows him at all well is Gai and the most you’re likely to get out of him in an in-depth analysis of their rivalry score” Genma smirked again and Iruka laughed,

“I can do a Gai speech maybe once a week tops”

“Ha. You’re stronger than most, Iruka”

* * *

Orochimaru’s attack came during the exam finals and all focus went into protecting the village. He could do evac drills in his sleep regardless but looking after the vulnerable sent him into a disassociative survival headspace. He was still in it when he heard news of the Third. The kids were with him and he couldn’t let them see him crumble. He held the news in his chest where it sat like a hot coal burning into him for hours. When he finally got home to his small apartment, he sank to his knees. Completely blown out on the inside, hand clenching and unclenching around the blankets on his bed. Tears coming at some point but not enough to feel satisfying.

The funeral wasn’t about him at all. He said a few quiet prayers of grief on his own the night before. At the funeral, he was there for his kids, for Konohamaru, for the village. He knew that’s what Hiruzen would have done, would have been the pillar for them all and he felt better knowing he could honour him that way. When the rain stopped and Naruto ran off to be with the rest of Team 7, Iruka found himself looking at Kakashi for the first time in over a month. _Fuck._ The team were all facing toward him, Sasuke and Sakura were watching Naruto run with fond exasperation. Kakashi, however, had his one eye focused heavily on Iruka. His stomach flipped and he felt his body twitch slightly, his neck getting hot. They stayed staring at each other for just a beat too long but the kids didn’t notice, too caught up in ribbing each other. The tension only broke when one of his students’ parents came and put a hand on his shoulder, saying something about how everyone knew how important he’d been to the third. He managed a polite few words and a strained smile, body still rooted in place. He didn’t have to look back to know Kakashi had gone.

He had countless more interactions with other villagers on his way home. Each one more excruciating than the last. He knew a lot of people from his job and he had a duty to them all, he’d made that choice when he’d stopped taking missions. This was part of his service to Konoha, even if all he wanted to do was tuck himself away and hide. By the time he got home, he felt like a wrung-out rag. He hadn’t eaten properly in days and sleep had evaded him too. He was more just passing from bed to uniform to task, over and over again. Now he had a second alone to sit with himself, he felt like was rotting away from the inside. He bathed finally and forced himself to eat a meal that had been left for him by someone’s mom. Laying on his couch until it got dark, allowing himself the indulgence of replaying memories in his head. Hiruzen had been the rock Iruka needed after the Kyuubi attack. Despite being like a father to everyone in the village, he’d always made time for their relationship. Checking in on him, making sure they met regularly for tea. Iruka’s heart ached. Despite being so familiar with grief, the pain wasn’t any easier. He eventually moved to his bed, laying with the curtains wide, moon illuminating patches on the floor.

A quiet knock woke him a short while after he finally dozed off. He was at the window instantly, kunai in hand, sensing for chakra. He was almost feral, nerves frayed right to their edges, still battle-ready from the shock of the attack. A gloved hand slid his bottom window up and Iruka struck out, Kunai whistling through the air towards where his assailant should be. The intruder was quick and he felt the air tremble in the room as they swung indoors. He lurched, bending to flick a senbon from the holder on his calf that he wore to bed when a large hand caught his wrist.

“Iruka wait”

 _Oh._ He faltered, breathing heavily. The moonlight bounced off of a leaf headband and Iruka could see the jagged shape of Kakashi’s hair in the semi-darkness.

“Kakashi?” His head reeled “what the hell are you doing here?”

Kakashi cringed then took a step forward. Moving fast, hands flickering, suddenly his mask was down and his lips on Iruka’s. Iruka froze shock still, before pulling away in disbelief.

“What-“

They stared at each other for another beat. Iruka still stuck in place and Kakashi trying to gauge his reaction. Iruka felt hot want burn through every pore in his skin. The huge store of emotion sitting in his chest, all the anger, the fear and the month spent fantasising about just this. Kakashi began to take a step back but Iruka reached out to grab his vest, pulling them back together. He tugged down the zip, hands tearing at the fabric. Kakashi’s mouth found him again and they crashed into each other. Iruka groaned into the kiss and Kakashi made a gruff appreciative noise as Iruka’s hands made their way into his hair. Iruka gasped as Kakashi dove under his t-shirt feeling bare hands on his waist. It was quickly pulled up and off and Kakashi made for his neck, the sensation making Iruka’s legs buckle.

“You smell really good”

“Yeah?”

Kakashi hummed in affirmative before kissing him again. Iruka began angling his kisses to move them towards the bed and gave a small push to tumble them onto it. They grabbed at each other, Kakashi’s shirts thrown at some point towards the window. Hot skin sliding on hot skin finally. Iruka gasped into Kakashi’s mouth as he felt him wind his hand into his loose hair and pull, the pain from his scalp clearing his head for a second. He reached down and tugged at Kakashi’s pants. The other man was breathing heavily, rubbing their bodies together, their cocks straining towards each other through the fabric. It was the same energy as the first time. The line between fighting and fucking very thin. They clutched at each other, grabbing handfuls at a time. The bruising spurring each other on, reminding them that they were still alive. They got free of their clothes and Kakashi held himself above Iruka, one arm pressed into the pillow and the other gripping the head of the bed. Iruka took them both into his hand together and Kakashi got out a strangled sound before reaching to bruise their mouths together again.

Desperate to deepen the feeling, Iruka released them both and broke from Kakashi’s mouth to reach for the lube and condoms in his bedside cabinet. They said nothing, the only sound in the room their laboured breathing. Kakashi took the bottle from him and shifted down to start prepping him. Iruka closed his eyes and grimaced as he adjusted.

“Ok?”

His eyes snapped open at the unexpected break in the silence and he found Kakashi looking at him intently.

“Yeah”

The fingers disappeared and he felt Kakashi line himself up. He slid all the way in slow then settled for a pause. Iruka’s whole body was thrumming with adrenaline and he forced himself to take a slow steadying breath. Kakashi rubbed his hip with his thumb in small circles and he let himself relax. They locked eyes again and Iruka pushed himself up off the bed slightly to encourage more movement. Kakashi made a low noise in the back of his throat and grabbed Iruka’s thighs to fold his knees up to his chest. Iruka saw god. Kakashi hit the right spot straight away and kept hitting it over and over. When Iruka thought he couldn’t get any deeper, he started to feel the thrusts in his abdomen. It was so deep it almost hurt. The fullness kept him tethered to the earth whilst simultaneously sending him off into the ether. His head knocked against the headboard a few times with their thrusts. Kakashi lowered one of Iruka’s legs, tilting him on to his side and dragged them back down the bed. The shift was perfect and Iruka braced himself against the mattress with his elbow. Moans were coming out of his mouth in time to their movements and his hair was stuck to his forehead and back with sweat. Kakashi used Iruka’s leg to balance himself before taking his free hand to Iruka’s cock and Iruka felt everything rush out of him at once. It was so much he lurched upwards out of the bed before flopping down as Kakashi kept going. He rode the waves of Iruka’s orgasm before coming with a low groan.

Iruka grunted when the other man pulled out but otherwise stayed put. Lying face down on the bed, weariness finally setting in. Kakashi flopped down next to him on his back and from his position with one bleary eye open, Iruka could see that he was smiling.

“Not gonna run away this time?”

“S’my house” Iruka mumbled into the sheets

“That’s true. Would you like me to leave?” Kakashi’s tone was absolutely indeterminable. Iruka gingerly turned onto his side and propped himself up with his elbow.

“Do you snore?”

“No”

“You can stay”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk guys just trying to keep this train going. Thank you for reading :~)


	3. Chapter 3

He woke up when the afternoon sun hit the top of his bedroom window. How long had he been out for? He hadn’t slept past ten since he was a teenager. Memories of the night before began flooding back and he looked over to see the other side of his bed empty. That was unsurprising considering the suddenness of last nights foray. His lower body ached pleasantly and he felt his abdomen twist with arousal as he thought about the force they’d exerted on each other. He didn’t remember falling asleep but it must have been shortly after they’d finished, he’d been boneless and dead tired. He rubbed a hand over his face and reached over to his nightstand for the glass of water he religiously replaced every night. His fingers fumbled for it and something fell to the ground. He cursed and rolled over onto his stomach to see what it was.

_Patrol duty_

_Rest up sensei_

_\- K_

Iruka baulked. It was hastily scribbled on a torn piece of paper that had probably been taken from his bag on the floor. He frowned at the thought, hoping it wasn’t from the corner of one of his students’ assignments. Staring at it, he read it through a few times over as if some secret meaning would suddenly reveal itself. Why had he taken the time to let him know where he was going? He wasn’t sure whether to take it as an insult or a compliment. He was used to sex with other shinobi. It was hard, fast and fleeting. The general understanding was that people had shit they needed to work through and that was that. Romance happened for some, definitely. But with the intense nature of their meetings, Iruka had assumed they both just needed to work off some steam. He looked at the note again. Did Kakashi think that because he was a schoolteacher and mostly village bound that he couldn’t handle having casual sex? Was it because Iruka bottomed? He liked what he liked. He liked was passing on the will of fire and taking it up the ass. There’s no shame in that. No, Kakashi didn’t seem like the traditional type. Though he had pulled rank very publicly during the exam briefing… He sighed and flopped onto his back, flinging the note back onto the floor. If Kakashi had just disappeared he wouldn’t have minded. If anything that would have been better, because now all he could think about was the other reason he might have left the note, that maybe Kakashi wanted to see him again.

Iruka hadn’t ever really had a romantic relationship per-se. He’d had long ongoing flings with guys but he’d never been good at being vulnerable. When it got to the point where their lives started to integrate; meeting each other’s friends, talking about feelings, talking about pasts. He got uncomfortable and always found a reason to move on. He’d never found anyone he’d really wanted to let his guard down around. He was open with his friends, to a point and was never afraid to talk about the hard stuff but it was mostly their hard stuff. He tended to feel more comfortable being trusted than being the one to trust. He was the confidant and he liked it that way. People opened up to him. There was always a fear of saying too much, showing too much, being too much. Mizuki had always reinforced those feelings, now that he thought about it. He’d always put him down in front of their friends. He’d never really realised it before. Hindsight really was a bitch.

He got enough love from the village anyway. He was busy and dedicated. He had Naruto to watch out for now too. He could satisfy his more human needs when he wanted without a lot of trouble.The thought of letting someone into his life when he’d been alone for so long. Letting someone see him and really _love_ him, it felt more terrifying than any mission and none of the people he’d been seeing had felt worth the risk. It was manageable. It had always been manageable. Routine was always his saving grace and the combination of the last few days of hell and waking up in the afternoon had thrown him off. He rolled to get up and get going and noticed in surprise that instead of feeling horrible and crusty, his body had been wiped clean.

\--------

“Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!”

He turned around at the shout, shifting his bag of groceries in his arm and saw a small bespectacled boy running full speed toward him.

“Udon? What is it? Are you ok?” Udon skidded to a halt and bent over himself, panting heavily. Iruka dropped to one knee and placed his bag down next to them before reaching a comforting hand to the boy’s shoulder. “Breathe, Udon. It’s ok”

“Sensei… They said- They said-“ he took a shaky inhale and Iruka pulled a tissue out of a vest pocket to wipe the boy’s perpetually snotty nose.

“Ok, slow down. Take another big breath. That’s it. And another? Ok.” Iruka gave him a small supportive smile and a rub on the shoulder. “Now, who said what?”

“someonecameandattackedthevillageagainandnaruto’ssenseigottakendownthensasukeranawayandnowthere’sanbuand…and…and”

“Udon, _slow down.”_

“Sorry sensei.” He took in another big breath and steadied himself. “I heard someone’s mom talking and she said that someone tried to attack the village again so I tried to find out more about it and heard that Naruto’s sensei, the one with the spiky hair, he got taken down and then Sasuke got really upset about it and ran away but I don’t know why”

“Sasuke left the village?” Iruka was frozen with shock. _Kakashi._

“Sensei, are we gonna get attacked again? Do we need to go back into the mountain?” The sound of Udon’s fear snapped Iruka back into focus. He put on his warmest, most comforting smile.

“That’s some good investigation work you’ve done Udon. But you know I’m in charge of your safety, right? If we needed to be evacuated again, I’d be the first to know.” Udon gave a loud sniff “I know everything seems really scary right now and that’s totally normal. The whole village is shaken up but we’re still strong, we’ve got the very best out there patrolling and making sure we’re safe.”

“O..ok”

“Now, why don’t you go and see if they need any help up at the academy? That’s the work we can do right now to make sure we’re back in shape as soon as possible. I’ve got a few more errands to run and then I’ll be heading over there myself”

Udon gave a shaky but resilient nod and Iruka beamed at him again. “Ok! Thanks Iruka-Sensei”

“Try to let us adults handle security, ok? Thank you for letting me know about Sasuke”

Udon gave another nod and took off again down the street in the direction of the academy. Once he was out of sight, Iruka let the worry spill out over his face. What was Sasuke thinking? And who could be so powerful to take Kakashi down? He picked up his bag and flickered back to his apartment building.

\-------

“Gai!” Iruka jogged over to the shining green sensei, waving to grab his attention. The man looked unusually subdued. He was pacing outside the jonin barracks, a frown furrowed on his face as he looked down. He stopped mid-step upon hearing Iruka and gave his trademark smile though it was markedly dimmer than usual.

“Iruka-sensei. What can I do for you today?”

“Gai, hi. I’ve been looking for you. One of my students said something about Sasuke leaving the village and I was hoping you might know something about it” the ‘ _and do you know if Kakashi is ok’_ sat heavy in his mouth but he pushed it away.

“Ah, so the news is out already. The youthful determination of the village spreads knowledge fast” it sounded like he was a bit annoyed at the youthful determination but Iruka didn’t comment. Gai sighed wearily, “Yes. Unfortunately, a few of us were confronted by Itachi Uchiha inside the village. It was… unexpected and it seems he’s gotten a lot better at using the sharingan. My rival Kakashi got trapped in some kind of new genjutsu and has not woken up since. We planned to withhold this information from Sasuke for obvious reasons but it managed to slip out”

“Itachi? Itachi was in the village?”

“Yes, he had an associate with him too. Seems they’re part of some kind of organisation. Hopefully, we’ll know more soon. ANBU have gone to fetch Sasuke and Jiraya of the Sannin has taken Naruto to find Lady Tsunade. They’re going to ask her to be the new Hokage. Lord Jiraya assured me she would be able to break Kakashi out of the state he’s in. She might even be able to help Lee!”

“Naruto’s gone too? When?!”

“They left quickly, as soon as they heard the news”

Iruka’s throat was bone dry and he could feel himself starting to tremble a little. Gai gave him a dazzling grin and a thumbs up,

“Do not worry Iruka-sensei! Everything is in good hands. With two of the legendary Sannin we’ll be on our way to victory in no time!” Iruka gave him a weak smile and nodded.

“Thank you Gai-sensei, for sharing your knowledge with me”

“Iruka-sensei you are one of Konoha’s greatest assets. Your youthful vigour inspires new generations of Shinobi year after year.” Iruka blushed at that and thanked him again before heading over to the academy.

\-----

He hadn’t been planning on ending up at the hospital on his way home from the rebuild. He didn’t usually run along the tops of the buildings, he had to constantly tell his classrooms that ‘just because you can climb a house doesn’t mean you should’. He’d made an exception as he wanted to see the extent of the damage for a higher vantage point. The night was cool and fresh and he ran to try and catch the sun dipping down over the horizon. When he stopped to take in the sight of the clouds turning pink he realised he was standing atop the main hospital building. The worry had been gnawing at him all day. He’d managed to shove most of it onto thoughts of Naruto and Sasuke but the knowledge that Kakashi was stuck in some unknown genjutsu had burnt its way to the surface more times than he would like to admit. It was urging him now to make the most of his location. He dropped down onto one of the large trees that lined the building and hopped from branch to branch scanning the windows till he caught the silver of Kakashi’s hair. He watched him breathing, the machines flickering next to him. He was still fully covered, headband on and mask up, hospital blankets pulled up to his shoulders. There were some escaped silver strands curling around the nape of his neck. Iruka had woven his fingers through them the first time they’d crashed together. He stood for a while, quietly observing.

Over the following week, he threw himself into the rebuild and tried to push everything else out of his mind. When he heard Sasuke had been admitted to the hospital after trying to take down Itachi he’d spent a long uncomfortable night tossing and turning worrying about Naruto. Everything was just a bit _too much._ Sometimes if he found himself idling he felt like his chest might rip in two from the stress of it all. He was coping, but not well. He was a good Shinobi. He had a lifetime of suppression under his belt and the focus on restoring the village was helping. He just had to make sure every night his body was shaking with exhaustion so he could slump into sleep from pure necessity.

He couldn’t keep away from the hospital. It was like a drug. He _knew_ he shouldn’t be there, that sooner or later someone would catch him and ask him what he was doing. Why he came to watch Kakashi Hatake lie in a coma. The same Kakashi Hatake he’d had a very public argument with that everyone presumed he despised. He wouldn’t be able to answer. Now that Sasuke was there he could use the excuse of visiting a student but he rarely moved from his spot on the branch, watching the steady rise and fall of the jonin’s chest. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about the note he’d left. He’d got hurt on that ‘ _patrol duty’_ shift. Iruka hadn’t moved it from its spot under his bed. He blamed it on laziness but there was no denying the woozy feeling he had when he thought about them colliding together again.

They’d just finished rebuilding the academy when they got word that Naruto and Jiraya were returning with the new Hokage. He threw himself into the preparations, volunteering for way more work than was necessary. Genma pulled him to the side one day and asked him if he was doing ok. He knew he looked wrecked. He felt absolutely awful but slowing down just didn’t feel like an option.

“Yeah, I’m holding up! Just trying to stay busy” It was entirely unconvincing and Genma gave him a look. Iruka squeezed his shoulder gently and smiled sadly, going for something a bit softer. “I’m ok. It’s just rough.”

“Yeah, it is” He rubbed a hand over his face and shot Iruka another wary look. “Just don’t overdo it ok? You’re no use to anyone if you’re burnt out” Iruka was already burnt out. He was so passed burnt out he wasn’t even ash anymore. Someone called for Genma and he smirked at Iruka before flitting away.

\----

After Naruto got back, things got a bit easier. The Hokage was sworn in, the mission desk was busier than it had ever been but he got to listen to Naruto babble when they ate together and that felt better. He was still exhausted, but a couple of steps back from the breakdown that had been brewing. Not managing to shake off the nervous energy, he started organising the files in the mission room because he didn’t want to go home. The empty apartment seemed to make everything worse. He’d stopped his hospital visits once Naruto got back. Tsunade had made quick work on the two critical patients. Naruto had excitedly told him that same evening that Sasuke and Kakashi had woken up and were waiting to go home. The relief had rushed out of him almost painfully and he found himself grinning just as wide as Naruto at the news.

It had been a few days since then and despite being happy that Kakashi was out of the hospital he found himself feeling even emptier now his tree visits had stopped. He wanted to see the man for himself, wanted to confirm he was actually alive. He felt he didn’t have the right. The thought of knocking on the jonin’s door and saying “hey I got really attached to you whilst you were in a coma, can I just check your pulse please” made him feel physically ill. He was drawn to Kakashi in a way he couldn’t explain and it was eating at him. The sex had been really good, yes, but he’d had good sex before. Kakashi was attractive, yes, inconceivably so, but a lot of men were attractive. Maybe not in the same way but everyone was different. It was sexual magnetism but something else too. Something he couldn’t quite figure out.

It was dark in the Hokage’s building, everyone else had dispersed and Iruka was obsessively taking everything off the shelves, cleaning them with hot soapy water, drying them and putting everything back. The repetition was soothing and doing something with his hands kept him from tumbling in on himself. The focus let his mind shuffle through thoughts without needing to worry about them. Something had to give at some point soon. Things had begun to settle into their new normal but he was still wired. He told himself that once he’d seen Kakashi wandering around the village again he’d be able to relax. He was just worried, that’s all. And still grieving. It had been a weird year and there hadn’t been much time for a rest. He was burnt out, that was all. His knuckles started to sting from how hard he was scrubbing and he swore, flinging the rag into the soapy bucket. He couldn’t help but wonder if this is what Kakashi had been feeling when he’d knocked on his window. This unrelenting tension that needed to be released with either a hardcore taijutsu spar or a lot of sex. They had straddled that dynamic rather well already. Their weird, electric energy. An idea popped into his head. It was so tempting he felt heady with the possibility. Kakashi was on bed rest, he’d be at home, he’d be awake, he was probably already bored out of his mind. If Kakashi could turn up unannounced, why couldn’t he?

He wasn’t stupid enough to pull the same stunt Kakashi had with the window, he’d end up dead, so he opted for the front door. He’d almost changed his mind during the journey there and turned around but a wild insistence kept him going. He reached a hand to knock when a voice came from inside the apartment

“It’s open”

He took a deep breath and stepped inside. He could feel the blood rushing around his head.

“Iruka?”

“Don’t” Iruka interrupted “don’t say anything.” Kakashi was standing at the foot of his bed, vest off but his mask shirt on, stuck tight to his skin. He was in his usual slouch but his eye was wide as he took in Iruka. He looked exhausted. He took a step forward but Iruka was faster,

“I just… need-“ He lifted his hands to Kakashi’s face and gently pulled down his mask to press their lips together. It wasn’t the desperate lurching from the times before but softer, more searching though still with the same intensity. He kept his hands on Kakashi’s bare face and revelled in the warmth there. He was alive. Kakashi deepened the kiss and they began to devour each other. Iruka’s body screamed with relief and their contact. Yes, finally.

He placed his hands on Kakashi’s hips and pushed him down so he was sitting before sliding to the ground. They didn’t break eye contact as Iruka started to undo Kakashi’s pants. Iruka undid his ponytail, shook out his hair and shuffled between his knees. He looked down and pulled the waistband of Kakashi’s trousers under his ass so they were gathered on his thighs and started to palm him through his underwear. Kakashi’s hands twitched on the bedspread and Iruka felt him getting harder under his hand. He looked up, licked his lips and untucked Kakashi from the cloth that surrounded him. Kakashi let out a short _‘ah’_ and Iruka gave him a wicked smile. He took him in his mouth slowly, taking his time to spread his tongue flat down the whole of the shaft before breaking eye contact again to stick Kakashi’s cock right down the back of his throat. Kakashi’s hands fisted the sheets, his breath coming out in short huffs. Iruka played with him, taking him in deep over and over then pulling out, spitting on the head and tonguing it gently. It felt fucking incredible, he was so turned on he felt dizzy. He’d needed this. God, he’d needed this so badly. Kakashi’s legs jerking and trembling, the taste of him, the fullness in his mouth, hitting the back of his throat. Kakashi did exactly what he’d been hoping for when he took down his hair. He wrapped it around his hand and tugged as Iruka bobbed up and down. The pace increased and Iruka relaxed his jaw, spread his tongue flat and looked up at Kakashi expectantly. Kakashi cursed and paused but didn’t look away for a second as he rose up from the bed to get a better angle. He started to fuck Iruka’s mouth and Iruka took it, gaze holding the whole time. When he gagged, Kakashi began to pull away but he grabbed the backs of his thighs and pulled him closer. When he could hear that Kakashi was getting close he brought his hand back up to the base and took back control, matching the movements to his mouth. As he felt him get right to the edge he pulled his lips off and worked him with his hand till he was coming all over Iruka’s face. He pushed Kakashi back onto the bed to recover and wiped the cum from his eyebrow. Licking the excess of his hand he leaned over Kakashi’s breathless form,

“Rest up, sensei” he grinned before flickering out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love sexually experienced Iruka... my darling boy. Chapters will be very sporadically posted as I'm supposed to be writing for uni. This is my form of escapism when I get the chance. Has anyone else found fanfic to be their saving grace during the pandemic? 
> 
> Really appreciate all the subscriptions, comments and kudos. Please keep them coming !! it's really encouraging and I love knowing what you think


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